Inflation be crazy right now. According to a Google search I just did and have now copy and pasted, you can fight inflation by doing the following: cutting grocery and transportation expenses, auditing your budget and avoiding debt.
You're welcome.
But if you want to fight inflation in more exciting ways, then check out The Browmunity's suggestions below. Please note that if you do pursue any of these methods, Highbrow Lowbrow is not liable for the outcome. But if you do pursue them, make sure to take a selfie and use hashtag #HighbrowLowbrowInflationFighters when posting on social media.
1. Lace up your boxing gloves and give inflation a knuckle sandwich. Since inflation is not a physical entity, it may be hard to land a punch. But if you keep punching the air and walking around blindly, you’ll land a hit on something (or someone) eventually.
2. Pop every goddamn balloon you see. We can’t have the party decor encouraging the economy!!!
3. With inflation through the roof, it’s time to look under your roof to make ends meet. Specifically, look under that blanket on your couch. There you’ll find a freeloading pup who needs to get a job and pitch in for this family. Gas is over $5 a gallon, it’s all paws on deck. There are plenty of career paths for little Fido: drug sniffer, comfort dog, vacuum cleaner. Bones don’t grow on trees! Ya gotta earn em!
4. Put the economy on a new surface like a sturdy table. Whatever is currently holding it up is unstable.
5. Kendrick Lamar famously asked, “what’s a dollar worth?” Everything. That means everything is on sale as of today for $1. Price goes up, you go to jail. The Dollar Store is every store. We are the dollar. Call me George cause I’m washing a ton of money (money laundering) at the strip club. Physically dirty, virtually clean. Put me in that g-string. Let me loose on this world and I’ll buy everything. Cha-ching cha-ching cha-ching.
6. Tell Paul Rudd that Ant Man was a crappy movie. It might not fight inflation, but it'll wipe that smug-ass smile off his face.
7. Sometimes the economy needs a recession, just like my hairline. It’s perfectly natural and it still looks good. It gets compliments on how sophisticated and mature it looks everyday, and that it’s aging gracefully. Hold on and don’t concede. Bald is not an option, despite what Caleb thinks.
8. Sound fiscal policy that encourages local development and moves away from the fictitious trading of numbers on Wall Street. If you can trade more than the entire yearly crop output of corn in a day, something is off.
9. Challenge Paul Rudd to a no rules, no holds bar battle royale cage match. It might not fight inflation, but it'll wipe that smug-ass smile off his face and make him think twice about agreeing to Ant Man 2.
10. Start investing in crypto. Nothing can touch crypto. Crypto is pure. Crypto is life. I love crypto. Crypto is God. Crypto is The Son, The Father, AND The Holy Ghost. Crypto is all around us at all times forever and always.
11. Eat the rich?
12. Show Paul Rudd no mercy in your no rules, no holds bar battle royale cage match. It might not fight inflation, but it'll wipe that smug-ass smile off his face, make him regret making Ant Man 2, and regret that weird Netflix show he had; Living With Yourself. I mean what even was that show? I bet he had to play two roles because they couldn't find anyone else who would costar along side him.
13.
>Be me
>Somehow manage to join the Federal Reserve
>Get put in charge of monetary policy
>Get asked what interest rates should be set at
>Say “idk 20%?”
>Economy collapses since everyone goes broke paying their bills
>Co-worker jokes “at least we don’t have to worry about inflation anymore”
>Punch his face
>Get sent to jail
>First financial worker to go to jail in decades
>Become good friends with the warden
>Start running a full blown casino in the prison cafeteria
>Profit.
14. Take an anti-inflammatory like ibuprofen. Also works wonders for hangovers and pregnancy.
15. When he's on the brink of suffocating from your full nelson, apologize to Paul Rudd for showing no mercy. Realize that your pent up aggression towards Paul was really just suppressed anger towards your older brother who looks eerily similar to Mr. Rudd. Hug the Rudd-man, tell him that the Ant Man series isn't all that bad, and that defecating on him during the match may have been a bit too far. Then call your brother and share your deep down emotions explaining to him that you still hold onto all those swirlies and purple nurples he gave you growing up.
-- contributions from Ryan "Chewe" Gutchewsky, Kyle Gosiewski, Zach Rimkus and Caleb Tackes
