Punxsutawney, PA--A new tradition, riding off the heals of a treasured classic, arose this morning as a drunken bagpiper chased his own shadow down the streets of Punxsutawney Pennsylvania. Seamus McGillicuddy, a 55 year old Math Teacher at Our Lady of Regretful Thinking, exclaimed that he’ll be chasing this high for weeks to come, and that nothing will keep him from doing it again next year.
Punxsutawney Mayor, Richard Alexander, made a statement shortly after saying that if Seamus McGillicuddy sees his shadow while bagpiping on St. Patrick’s Day then the entire town will be forced to celebrate public Intoxication for the next six weeks. If he doesn’t see his shadow then the town will have to take their intoxication indoors.
McGillicuddy was seen urinating on a stop sign 20 minutes later. He currently is unsure as to where his shadow is.