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  • Writer's pictureChewe

You Can’t Sit With Us: Samuel Alito Deemed “Mean Girl” of Supreme Court

In a shocking twist in American politics, Supreme Court justice Samuel Alito was seen dismissing a junior staffer in the Supreme Court lunchroom on Wednesday. Alito has been attempting to gain back cool points after a leaked draft of a decision overturning Roe v. Wade was made public. He has also tried to bring back the word “fetch”, to no avail.

Brett Kavanaugh was spotted “baby birding” in the corner, a term he uses to refer to when he vomits in his own mouth and swallows it. He has recently been on a tear campaigning for wine coolers in the vending machines.

Clarence Thomas also made the news after he went on a shopping spree at a local Walmart, buying out the entire stock of paper towels, toilet paper, and diapers. When asked what he would use them for, he replied, “I’ve had too many leaks lately.”

Amy Coney Barrett, the newest addition to the court, posted a hate filled Facebook rant late Tuesday night on why veganism is unconstitutional and that cows should be worshiped. She claimed that her “big beefy boys” were the only thing that got her through the 2021 lock downs.

And finally, Sonia Sotomayor has made her mark as a major hype-beast after releasing her clothing line COURT. The brand will feature typical street wear staples with a simple white font logo on a red background.

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