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Subway Kills Off Sandwich Artists to Increase Stock, Supposedly

Desperate to remain atop the submarine sandwich world, Subway is forced to adapt.

How far is Subway willing to go? We already know the answer is further than a footlong.


As one of the first fast food alternatives, Subway marketed itself as "Healthy" and became the largest restaurant chain according to the year 2002. However the days of thin waistlines and five dollar footlongs are long gone and the company will stop at nothing to stay relevant.


Subway's most recent marketing tactic is incorporating live meat slicing, the slicing being live, not the meat. This is directly influenced by their newest competitor Jersey Mikes. But Few have forgotten one of Subway's first marketing ploys: naming their part-time employees Sandwich Artists.


This insulted artists and sandwiches everywhere. How can one be considered an artist when they only do what their audience commands; for example, a sandwich artist asks "Would you like that toasted?" or "Any Veggies" or "You still want more sauce?" This is the definition of a HACK, and not an artist. An artist wouldn't even be caught eating at Subway.


Taking their claims to another level, Subway's newest ad campaign solidifies their "art" and targets another group, art collectors. "Try Sandra's Italian BMT, it's the last sandwich she'll ever make!" Says a billboard with an image of Sandra under a guillotine smiling with a sandwich that's about to become a six-inch. Another ad reads, "Jimmy's Turkey Club. . . while supplies last."


These Ads are to capitalize on the hope that an artist's collection of works triple in value upon the artist's untimely demise. It is rumored Subway has even gone far enough to seek out and hire terminally ill people. This literally cuts out the middle man, who in this case is the grim reaper.


It is clear Subway has gotten caught up in the fame and fortune of lunch time. Thus forgetting a restaurants first priority, food should be edible.

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