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  • Writer's pictureChewe

Wearing Bowling Shirts Three Days Straight Said To Summon Guy Fieri

Many say it’s dabbling in the occult. Others say it's too dangerous to mingle with such forces. They say everything comes with a hidden cost and that you can only comprehend the impact of your decision when all the pieces have finally fallen. All the dire warnings and risks did not stop a local step-father of three from testing the limits of the supernatural.

Last Tuesday, local resident Jeff Garfield pushed the boundaries of this plane and attempted to summon the big kahuna himself, Guy Fieri. Jeff's plan of attack was to wear three different bowling shirts…three days straight.

For those with a large portion of their wardrobe consisting of bowling attire, it is an every day battle to make sure the rule of three is not broken. Some track their outfits daily in a log, careful to always alternate day to day to not even risk the dreaded "Third Day Mistake." It is even rumored that Charlie Sheen wouldn't work three days straight on the set of "Three and a Half Men" because of this, but that may also be attributed to other...considerations.

Jeff on the other hand marched head on to the Third Day Mistake. Many expected Jeff to perish in the speculated “explosion of flavor.” On the third day, Jeff woke up, put on his finest Sunday bowling shirt and began his day, waiting for the moment his hero would arrive. When nothing happened by 3pm, he was beginning to lose hope. Then, in an event geologist can only describe as "science", a hole opened up in the ground and Steve Harwell, the lead singer of Smash Mouth (we bet you didn't know his name either), hopped out and greeted Jeff. Disappointed, Jeff welcomed the singer into his home and they had a lovely time. Steve revealed where Jeff had gone wrong, mistaking the famous Fieri Hawaiian shirt for the Harwell bowling shift. This set Jeff on his new mission. Over the next three days, Jeff purchased and wore the ever living shit out of each of the three Hawaiian shirts he had bought, and on the third day, the mythical Guy Fieri appeared.

After grilling Jeff on why he would dare summon the Mayor of Flavortown, Guy eventually forgave him and the two visited the local dive and dine. Guy enjoyed his time with Jeff so much that they had a cookout the next day with family and friends.

We would say this is a cautionary tale, but it turns out Guy Fieri is an amazing human being, despite his ethereal powers stemming from being the son of two hell demons. While he still rocks the spiky hair, Fieri has broken the cycle of his upbringing, and now brings joy and flavor to the Hawaiian shirt clad army he has inspired over the years.


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