Patty Donague was spotted this weekend at a friend's house party in Wicker, bragging about the healthy lifestyle she's been living the past few months. It all came to fruition last Wednesday when she was finally able to use the produce she's been growing in a meal.
"Yeah, it just feels so much more satisfying to eat what you grow. It was probably the best meal I've had in months," she was overheard saying. She was then asked how big her garden was, to which she looked visibly confused. "Garden? I don't have a garden. I do have a plant in the window, but boy did that thing pop off this year!" She was then asked how many things she grew this year, to which she simply said "three."
It was then revealed that she had only managed to grow 3 baby sized tomatoes, which were able to use in a very tiny salad. After sitting down with us for an interview, she spilled that she ate the salad in tears, contemplating her existence and why she hasn't amounted to much in her 32 years of life. "All I have to show for my efforts are three weird, squishy red bulbs that actually gave me food poisoning. I didn't even know tomatoes could do that."
Patty does have big plans for next year though, where she plans to expand her enterprise to the front window. She plans to grow watermelon. We didn't have the heart to tell her...