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Trader Joe's Employees Aren't Friendly, They're Just Trying To Fuck You

Sorry to burst your bubble. If you thought you were making a new friend, or if you were walking away from a pleasant grocery store experience, unfortunately, everyone at Trader Joe's is just a sex craved horny maniac with nothing but lust and desire behind their charming and gorgeous eyes.

I'm not making this up. I have a copy of the training manual and on the first page it says that all Trader Joe's employees need to exhibit the utmost amount of respect, charisma, and innate animalistic appetite for every customer that walks through those innocent and unsuspecting doors. I thought they were joking, but a quick check in the break room shows their tables lined with aphrodisiacs. Chocolate covered strawberries and figs are a common delicacy, and oddly enough there's fresh oysters every other Friday throughout the summer. Who knew that oysters could put you in the mood?

I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but people should be aware next time they need to get grocery's. A trip to Trader Joe's can really make you feel like you're flaunting it and not just dragging it around.

It seems to me like this business model is working because whenever I go to Trader Joes I always have one item in mind but I usually leave with two or more bottles of wine. Not that I need affirmation to buy wine but a little encouragement can go a long way.

If you disagree with me you should let me know, but first head over to Trader Joe's and try not to feel like the bell of the ball. You'll walk away smitten. Trust me.

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