MTRYLE BEACH, SC - former Tiger King character and possible cult leader, Bhagavan "Doc" Antle has been charged with 21 counts of monkey laundering. Investigators claim that Mr. Antle hired smugglers in Central America to transport the monkeys in barrels to the USA through the Mexican border.
Authorities confiscated the barrels which contained over 200 kilograms of monkeys including howlers, white-faced capuchins, spider monkeys, and a few gibbons. The filthy monkeys huddled together in barrels filled with fruit and feces. Many were diseased from the long journey. After receiving the shipment, Doc's goons planned to clean and treat the illegal monkeys at their Myrtle Beach estate. The adorable contraband would then be sold to "new homes" for tens of thousands of dollars.
"It was monkey business. Plain and simple. A monkey laundering, treating, feeding, and rehoming business to be more detailed and complicated." Said lead investigator, Joanne Numabaker, in a statement to reporters. "When he's found guilty, Doc will be put behind bars for a long time, or at least until he's bailed out for the next season of Tiger King. It'll suck, but you'll still watch it."