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There's Actually No News Today

Updated: May 6, 2022


Hey everyone, CNN just reported that there's no news today and that you can all go do something else if you'd like. In fact, Ted Turner, owner of CNN, said that this is a great time for everyone to get back into reading books or growing a spice garden because as of late, there's nothing to report.


"Yeah I wish someone would rob a liquor store, or get stabbed in an alley way late at night, but unfortunately there's just no news to report at the moment,” Turner said while he was standing at his kitchen counter making a paper airplane. "Maybe something'll happen tomorrow but there just doesn't seem to be much going on today." Turner threw the paper airplane and it glided through the air maneuvering up and down throughout his kitchen as if it had it's own little pilot inside. It landed on a sealed envelope at the end of the kitchen counter titled "Pre-Determined United States Presidential Election Results: 2020.”


Fascinating stuff if you ask me. I can't wait for the news to come back! Until then, I'm gunna go read Undaunted Courage by Stephen E. Ambrose. Talk to you later!


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