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Perverts Around The World Celebrate As Armie Hammer Sets New Standard

What a time to be alive! Perverts everywhere are busting down the doors and busting in plain sight as Armie Hammer's cannibal scandal sheds new light on what it means to be thirsty. Perverts throughout the globe are openly sniffing bus seats, drinking strangers backwash, and wearing lingerie made from human hair, while us puritans recite psalms and cover up our scandalous wrist bones.

Some say that Hammer's desire to barbecue his ex-girlfriend Courtney Vucekovich is just a phase and he'll be over it soon. Other's say that his messages about allegedly wanting to cut off a girls toe and keep it in his pocket is a little much and makes him a stage ten clinger.

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