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Keith Richards Quits Smoking After 25 Years of Being Dead

Updated: May 6, 2022

Guitarist of the legendary rock and roll band The Rolling Stones, Keith Richards, announced earlier in 2020 that he has quit smoking. Richards claimed it was “harder than quitting heroin”, which is a very hard thing to do, considering Richards has been dead for the last 25 years or so. Over the summer of 1995, one of Richards’ housekeepers uncovered a pile of marionette strings and crossbars, which she found suspicious, but figured not to ask since the famed guitar player has been known to have “weird” hobbies.

The gaping puppet hole in the middle of Richards’ back was what, “really gave it away” says housekeeper Diana Flores. Flores says, “I had always noticed something off with Mr. Keith; Like when he wouldn't answer any question I asked him ever, or when he fell face first into his bowl of oatmeal whenever his wife left his side.”

Flores goes on to say that Richards’ wife took countless trips to funeral homes for embalming fluid, “I just thought alcohol wasn’t doing it for Mr. Keith anymore, so he might have wanted something stronger. I also found it odd Mrs. Richards liked taking notes while watching Jeff Dunham specials.” According to Ms. Flores, she thinks many close friends of the rocker knew he was dead all along. Occasionally at dinner parties, Richards' wife would take a drink of water while Keith was having a conversation and the table would erupt with applause.

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