WASHINGTON, D.C. - NASA Headquarters shared images of an encroaching asteroid which has since caused a stir in online communities and comment sections everywhere. The rare space rock is believed to be comprised of billions of digital assets. NASA scientists postulate that the asteroid's core contains iron, nickel, and a thick layer of blockchain assets stored on pristine hard drives buried deep under its rocky surface.
A team of crypto miners will be deployed to extract all digital assets from the asteroid. The ragtag team of miners will utilize high-speed, diamond-coated GPU mining rigs to drill deep into the digital-asset-rich core. NASA's models suggest that under the asteroid's rich layer of raw Bitcoin lies another layer twice as deep of a mix of Dogecoin and Ether. Under that layer could be even more digital assets ripe for extraction. Scientists estimate the total digital assets on the space rock to be worth a staggering 10 trillion Bitcoin.
"I'm over the moon to be involved in this essential mission to bring massive crypto gains to humanity." Said expert cryptologist Nathan Langer. "I've been studying the digital makeup of this asteroid for weeks on subreddit pages." Mr. Langer has been a vocal advocate for crypto currencies and is currently slated to join NASA's elite crypto mining team headed for the asteroid. Astronaut Tori Gershem explained that NASA will help train the team of miners for the space mission, but it may prove to be a difficult task. "Many of the miners are not physically or mentally prepared for this mission. In fact, many have not left their keyboards in months. We have quite the task ahead of us." NASA aims to prepare the ragtime team of neckbeards by launch time next December. Rumors are also circulating that Michael Bay plans to direct a live-action movie based on the crypto mining mission. It plans to flop in theaters around Christmastime.
