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My Neighbor Says He's Excited for Election Day Because He Hasn't Been Allowed Near a School in Years


I've got this next door neighbor named Cyrus Abernathy who is a pretty eccentric fellow. He likes to sit on his front porch in a stained white T-shirt and denim overalls. He spits into an empty bucket from time to time and has a rifle leaning up against the door frame. He's a friendly fellow who's always saying "Dang Howdy" or "Jiminy Crickets" whenever he stubs his toe on a loose board. He's invited me over for corn bread and "bathtub hooch" on more than one occasion though I've always declined seeing as I'm usually preoccupied with various different happenings throughout town.


He was talking to me today as I was standing at the bottom of his stoop on my early morning romp around the neighborhood. He was explaining how excited he is to vote because he hasn't been allowed near a school in years. "Wow" I thought. "What an interesting perspective."


It seems like everyone nowadays has some opinion that they want to vocalize or express, but at some point it all becomes radio static.


I let him know about mail in ballots and how they're sort of the trend this election cycle, but he insisted. He rattled on about how he loves those "little chairs" and those old "crank pencil sharpeners."



While he was explaining this to me he started to sweat, which was a little unsettling, but that's Cyrus Abernathy for you.


It was difficult to pin down who he's voting for you. In my opinion I'd say both candidates would do anything to sneak into a school building, which is an odd pre-requisite but I guess that's the political landscape.


Don't forget to vote folks!

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