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  • Writer's pictureChewe

Man Dies At 109, Having Never Committed His Children's Names To Memory

Always fond to settle for "pal" and "champ", Phoenix, AZ resident Guy Buddy passed on Tuesday morning not knowing the names of his own children. This glaring oversight was first noticed when the attending nurse asked him who the next of kin was. The intention was pure, but a dark secret was revealed. Guy Buddy slipped away in his hospital bed alone and unaccompanied during the next few hours.

Guy's children were eventually tracked down by Channel 5 News. Valorazquez Buddy, a resident of nearby Chandler, AZ was stunned to hear the news. "He was a wholesome man with a heavy heart. I never saw his love, but I felt it. I knew he was ailing in his last 22 years, but I eventually gave up on guessing when he'd go."

We ended up finding that all his closest relatives lived in the nearby Phoenix area and all had unique names. It seems that Guy sealed his own fate at an early age when he stopped referring to his brother John by his real name and instead began calling him "Chief". This inane behavior must have quickly became an addiction, with Guy pushing the limits of his ignorance by marrying a woman named Esposa, literally Spanish for spouse. Guy spat at the gods and continued his reign of terror, naming his children Oldest, Dos, The Middle One, Valorazquez, This_Is_The_Last_Time, and Ohno.

When his time came, Guy was only visited by one person who people speculate was his mistress. She went by the name Foxy, and has been seen working at the nearby strip club From The Windows, To The Balls which is located down the street from Guy's suburban mansion. At this time, any relationship between the two is only speculation.

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