Updated: Jul 23, 2022
Woweee! Throw on a tank top and let those thighs shine because it's hot out there! We're talking temperatures of 90 degrees and higher.
It's so hot outside it feels like the presidential suit that my ex-wife and I stayed in on our honeymoon in Acapulco. I'm talking sweaty and steamy! You wouldn't believe how uncomfortable it is out there folks.
It's so hot outside it feels like the gymnasium floor where I first danced with the woman who would later become my ex-wife when I was fourteen years old at the 8th grade dance. My palms were drenched!
Oh man! It is steamy outside people! It's just as steamy as the conversation my ex-wife had with me last year when she said she could never love me again after what I did. Oh mama! You gotta ice that!
Get comfortable folks! It's hotter than the time my ex-wife let me finger blast her in the back seat of my dads Ford F-150 when we were sixteen years old and I thought that the word "vagina" was pronounced with a "W" isntead of a "V." Gotta learn some day, am I right?
Holy cow! It's just as heated as the court settlement where my ex-wife got the kids, the house, the car, and the blue-ray player while I'm left with child support and a studio apartment. Hachi Machi!
Oh baby! It's hotter than the time I made sweet sweet love with my mother-in-law on the beautiful shore line of Monterosso Italy while my wife at the time was losing a nomination for "The Most Outstanding Woman of the Year." Ouch! Don't forget to put on some sunblock!
I'm serious everybody, it's dangerous out there. It's more dangerous than the time I showed up at my kids school as an undercover substitute teacher with a fake mustache so that they could spend some time with their old man and potentially get ice cream afterwards. I'll take two scoops please!
Aw heck! It's so hot outside I'm thinking about taking a dip at the local quarry and seeing how long I can tread water. Going for a personal best!
This heat can't stop me!