Updated: May 6, 2022
Wow, again? You'd think after replacing one intern that this would stop happening. Third times the charm I guess. But seriously--I mean, Jesus Christ, Fat Randy just farted in the office and accidently killed the intern. Hey Fat Randy, maybe stop eating all of those beans! Just this morning, as everyone started to wake up and socialize a bit more, Fat Randy waltzed on over to the copier. He was printing out a few graphs for his upcoming quarterly report. As he waddled on by the interns desk he let out a fart that was definitely loud, but didn't ruffle my feathers in anyway. Our intern thought differently. This fart must've been disastrously rank because the intern just fell over dead and accidently spilled his coffee all over the floor on his way down. Damn Fat Randy, that's the second intern this month! Now everybody's freaking out because Fat Randy's farts have gone from a "risk," like having a sharp blade in your kitchen, to a "neglectful scenario," like having a loaded gun in your kids playroom. It's just something you need to take responsibility for. Any reasonable person would have told Fat Randy to go home after he killed the first intern. Things could be worse. This intern wasn't exactly "good" or "enjoyable." He had a big scar across his eye and would dip deli sliced turkey into a jar of mayonnaise and call it his "slimy surprise." If any intern had to die from Fat Randy's disgusting farts this one wasn't a terrible choice. He was nowhere near as good as the first intern who got man slaughtered by Fat Randy's farts. That intern rocked, but I'll admit, they couldn't read and struggled with basic arithmetic. Anyways, Fat Randy's quarterly reports are definitely going to be awkward. I hope he doesn't pass gas while we're all in there!