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I’m Giving Up Catholicism Says Pope Francis Drunk At Ash Wednesday After Party

"Jesus had Jewish blood running through him, and I have Jesus' blood pouring through me. Might as well cut out the middle man." Pope Francis exclaimed through stained purple teeth. "I mean, what more do you want me to say?" He mumbled with an aggressively slurrish tone. "Jesus' real name was Josh, and Josh sounds like Jewish. Jauuush." He then looked at his phone and began ordering food through uber eats. "Anybody want some baklava?" Everyone looking on was concerned, unsure if Pope Francis thought that baklava was a traditional Jewish food. He stood up and staggered a few steps, knocking over a candelabra that was burning frankincense and myrrh. "That's is Jesus' candle” He murmurs through a hiccup. “I'm looking for Jaushes candle." He then slowly collapsed onto the ground with his arms widespread as if being crucified to the floor.

Can't wait to see how Judaism works out for him come Easter! What an exciting time for the Faith!

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