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  • Writer's pictureChewe

I Keep Eating Paint Chips And Can’t Remember Who I Am

I think I’ve developed the Memento disease and like my mom is actually the one trying to kill me or something. Like I woke up today and forgot that I had hands and then suddenly I was like “wooooaaahhh I can pick up my phone” and I didn’t even know if it was my phone but like, I felt a spiritual connection to it, so I knew.

Then I got a call from my friend Chloe, but like I didn’t know she was my friend Chloe, so I answered it really nervous like, “uhm, hello?” and she answered by screaming. And I was like “woah, hold on, who are you?” And she was like “uhhh, Chloe” and that’s how I learned her name, and then I was like “how’d you get this number?” and she was like, ”third grade English class” and I was like “was I there too?” and she was like “yeah…you gave me your number. We were in the same class.” and I was like “I don’t remember that, maybe I have ammonia“ and she was like “isn’t that the blue stuff that stains your clothes?” and I was like, ”no that’s iodine, I think you mean chlorine” and she was like “no that’s the stuff you put in the pool. I think you mean Benzedrine.” and I was like “No, that’s the stuff you take for ADHD. I think you mean Benadryl.“ and she was like no “that’s for allergies, I think you mean Beedrill“ and I said “no you’ve killed the joke by bringing in a fictional Pokemon and now we must move on with the story.“

Yeah I said all that. More power to me. If no one else will, I’ll pat my own back. Anyways, at this point I remember that I gotta walk the dog, but then I realize I don’t have a dog. This makes me wonder, “do I have someone else’s thoughts in my head? Am I just a puppet on a string with no real ambitions but to play to the puppet master’s whims?”

Then I realize I’m standing naked on the corner of a street where no one is paying attention to me. It’s dark and maybe they don’t notice, but I come to the sad conclusion that maybe my earthly form ain’t so inviting to those that can’t see my personality. I’ve got that in spades, but bodily figure I do not. Maybe one day I’ll find someone who can appreciate these gangling little arms, torso, and bodacious butt, and one day make me the happiest little minx the world has ever seen. Wish me luck!

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