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  • Writer's pictureChewe

Hopscotch Hero

The Midwest Regional Hopscotch Tournament concluded yesterday, with the title claimed by a three-legged dog named Stumpy. It was a hotly contested final, with last year’s champion Sally Walker tripping on her final run and ending up as a pile of tears and broken dreams in the corner. The incoming favorite, Jackson Bollocks, also had a poor showing, failing out in the quarterfinals.

Live Footage from the Event:

The night’s focus remained solely on Stumpy, with his enthusiastic tail wags and kisses comforting those who did not make the cut. Stumpy was able to bring light and joy back to what has historically been a dark and cutthroat underground sport filled with rampant gambling. As the new face of Midwestern Hopscotch for the upcoming year, we are all excited to see what Stumpy can do to turn around the sport that was once described by ESPN as "too weird for The Ocho".

On a funnier note, there were many drunk middle-aged men who came to the event after confusing the word "Hopscotch" for the lively beverage of beer infused liquor, but were quickly converted into diehard ultras, willing to kill to defend the sport.

For all you hopscotch enthusiasts out there, check out this college level version of the playground classic:

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