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Crap! My Buddy Just Reached Enlightenment And Accidentally Floated Into The Engine Of A Jet Plane

I should've seen this one coming folks. My buddy, Stephen Sorenson, has been a practicing Buddhist for a couple of months and this morning he actually reached enlightenment and floated into the engine of a Boeing 737 leaving O'Hare! Talk about catching a flight, am I right?

You can't help but feel bad for the guy. He started getting into Buddhism a few months ago as covid was ramping up and lockdown orders where being put in place. He figured he'd find calmness and Zen while everything else felt so chaotic.

I gotta hand it to him, he hit the books pretty hard and seemed to have a firm grasp on Mahāyāna Buddhism, something I know very little about. Personally, I didn't think he'd reach complete and total enlightenment in a few short months, but hey, hats off to Stephen!

Honestly, when he came over and told me about his new understanding of the divine and our interconnection with all living things past present and future and how sentience transcends beyond our understanding of the ethereal, I thought to myself, "sheesh, okay hippie!"

But then he sat on my front lawn cross legged and folded his hands. Lotus flower petals started falling above his head as if from nowhere. Within a few seconds he was hovering a few inches above the ground. Color me shocked!

You'd think with something as down to earth as enlightenment you'd be able to control yourself from floating higher and higher but for whatever reason he just kept rising until he was a small speck in the sky. I could hardly make out where he was until I saw that big explosion on what was obviously an airplane heading east out of O'Hare.

I'm gunna miss that guy but he was kind of a jackass if you ask me. Oh well.

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