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Big Whoop: Valedictorian Also Supports Healthcare Workers

Updated: Nov 17, 2020


WINCHESTER, VA--As if getting straight A's in all AP classes wasn't enough, Duncan Clark, a Senior at John Handley High School in Winchester Virginia sent out a tweet last night in support of health care workers across the globe. Save some for the rest of us jackass. His tweet was posted at 10:33 PM saying in as few words as possible. "I have the utmost respect for all healthcare workers as covid cases rise with the cold weather." Wow, we've got a real fucking Hemingway on our hands, don't we? Earlier this morning Clark was seen standing outside of a homeless shelter wearing latex gloves and a face protector handing out little bottles of hand sanitizer and face masks. Get a job you fucking derelict. I'd ask some varsity football player to teach this kid a lesson in between classes, but apparently Duncan spends most of his time at a local community college getting college credits in a variety of courses so that he has a jumpstart next year when he begins his first semester at William and Mary. When asked, his mother said "I'm proud of my son but I wish that Duncan would get arrested for smoking pot, or cyberbullying a freshman, or something malicious so that it doesn't feel like I'm bragging all the time." Sounds like it's going to be a snoozefest of a Thanksgiving if you ask me.

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