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Bible Set To Get Modern Remake In New Netflix Show

The green lights are still on! Despite a major decrease in user base, mainly attributed to lackluster content and premature cancellation of popular shows, Netflix has given the go ahead for a modern remake of the Bible. Early reports say the modern adaptation is set to be released in multiple “chapter” seasons. Each episode is planned to be self contained and average a run time of 50 minutes.


With the Bible having 1,189 chapters, Netflix should have lots of source material to pull from. Fan favorites already confirmed to appear include a hippie named Jesus, a charismatic leader Abraham, and the controversial bad boy Moses. Moses has split audience opinions with his daring prison break, but that's kind of his thing.


The show is planned to follow the source material loosely, with the initial episodes set in a modern day Paris, and will rely heavily on cultural imagery and political commentary.


Willem Defoe has already signed on as the famous Jesus, Matthew McConaughey as Abraham, Danny Devito as Moses, and Paul Rudd as the scheming Judas. Many more famous actors are expected to join the project as excitement builds. Lin-Manuel Miranda has been tapped to score the show, with a minimum of two Broadway style numbers per episode.


Surprisingly, religious conservative groups are fully supportive of Netflix’s plans, with one organization being quoted as saying, “We really need to reach a younger audience, and not just for our priests' sake. Simply forcing children to attend church and religious private school has actually started to backfire, so we’re open to the possibilities this show will offer.”


The Pope, God’s spokesperson, refused to comment on the show, but did release a press statement showing support. The Pope recently caused stirs when it was discovered the Vatican was sharing their Netflix account with all 203 Cardinals around the world. Rumor has it Netflix CEO Reed Hastings grandfathered the Vatican in to account sharing after it was made obvious his soul was damned to hell otherwise.


The questionable decision to take on the best selling book of all time follows closely on the heals of Netflix now requiring retinal scans to log in, a move made in the attempts of further alienating its already depleting user base. If all goes well, the show will have multiple seasons, but the Las Vegas odd makers are betting it’ll be canceled after 8 episodes. Bom bommwhaahhh

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