As Halloween quickly approaches, we'd like to get you in the spooky spirit by sharing the scariest places that give us the chills. Make sure to share the places that keep you up at night so we can all be haunted together as a family.
1. Your in-laws house. Look what he's doing to your kid!
2. In an elevator with that guy at work you forgot the name of and don’t remember anything about his personal life to base small talk off of. Chilling silence.
3. WALMART: ELECTRONICS DEPARTMENT - One time I fell into the bargain bin of DVDs trying to retrieve a deluxe box set copy of AIR BUD: SPACE BUDDIES 2 and it took a coordinated rescue effort from 7 employees, 2 off duty cops and 1 obese woman on a scooter to get me the hell out of there. Very dangerous will not be returning (legally) to that Walmart.
4. Being hungover at a distant cousin’s baptism with the jump scare that you’re a God parent.
5. In bed with the chills from getting COVID for the 2nd time in 1 calendar year despite getting boosted a few months ago.
6. The basement from the movie Zodiac. There's a great reason no one in San Francisco had them. They're creepy and full of weird shit.
7. LAT: 29°15'17.3"N LONG: 177°19'01.4"W DEPTH: 19,554 FT - This particularly deep and unnerving section of the pacific ocean lies 30 or so miles north of the midway atoll. It is cold, soggy, generally unpleasant and the fish are very rude. Organisms surviving below the thermocline are subject to extreme pressures, temperatures and minimal light which is EXACTLY why I shouldn't have fucking been there for any reason would NOT recommend as a birthday venue.
8. Have you ever walked into a place for the first time and swear you’ve been there before? As if everything looks vaguely familiar but you can’t put your finger on it. Remembering it like deja vu or a glitch in the Matrix? That’s shit’s spooky…
9. There is nothing more frightening than a Captain D’s during the Early Bird Special. Nothing’s scarier than looking death right in the face as it slowly chomps down on a cod fish dinner. This is the largest gathering of old people knocking on death’s door next to a nursing home. It’s sponsored by Life Alert. Ye be warned.
10. Under bridges. Lower Wacker is where my last stabbing occurred. I was fine.
11. An abandoned hospital of any kind. Even an abandoned spa would do.
12. One of the scariest places I’ve ever encountered was in the back of an Uber. It seemed like a regular Saturday night, but this was far from ordinary. My Uber driver talked the entire time. For 20 minutes straight, he babbled on about becoming a millionaire by joining Andrew Tate’s Hustler University. I was terrified. I thought I would either be straight up scammed right there in the back seat, or I would slowly pass from being excruciatingly bored to death.
13. PETCO - Its frightening that our American liberties are slowly being taken away. How am I supposed to start my own petting zoo if you people wont let me buy in bulk. This bag can fit so many more cats in it. Truly frightening and also chilling. Scary place.
- Contributions from Ashley T., Joe Lempa., Zach Rimkus, Ryan "Chewe" Gutchewsky, and Caleb Tackes
