Updated: Oct 14, 2021
AUSTIN, TX – Governor Gregg Abbott signed into law this week the Prenatal Carry Bill granting all Texas fetuses the right to carry firearms in the womb. The law is being hailed by conservatives as a victory for the second amendment. Governor Abbott called the law “a major win for all fetuses in the great state of Texas”. “In Texas, we believe that life starts at conception, and if life starts at conception and if all US citizens have the God-given right to carry firearms, then the logical conclusion is that all fetuses should be armed if they so choose.” The law will provide fetuses with a life-saving surgery in which a 9mm handgun will be inserted through the vaginal canal and into the developing hands of the fetus. “As soon as a heartbeat is detected in the embryo, usually between 6 and 7 weeks after gestation, then a fetus is eligible for prenatal carry” said Governor Abbott in a press statement.
The new law is also seen as a victory for pro-life activists in the state of Texas. As the Castle Doctrine dictates that Texas citizens have the right to stand their ground in their own home, prenatal carry will extend this doctrine to all fetuses in the state of Texas. Therefore, fetuses will be able to defend themselves in the womb during abortion procedures. “Abortion doctors are being put on notice. The innocent babies that they systematically murder are no longer defenseless. Thanks to this hallmark law, Texas fetuses are now armed and dangerous” proclaimed Governor Abbott. "Afterall, the best way to stop a bad doctor with a coat hanger is a good fetus with a gun."
Opponents of the law point to a lack of fetal eye development as a serious risk for the mothers of now freshly packing fetuses. The eyes of an embryo do not develop until the 10th week of pregnancy and a fetus does not not fully open its eyes until the 27th week. "If an embryo doesn't have functioning eyes, how is it expected to accurately kill or seriously injure its attacker?" questioned Joanne Ramsey, a Texas midwife. "I understand the necessity for firearms in the womb, but the risks may just outweigh the God-given rights here." Governor Abbott was quick to rebuke such claims exclaiming, "This is just another pathetic attempt by the radical left to take guns out of the tiny, webbed hands of our fetuses!"